I had my first (or second) meltdown as a mother this evening. I have been entirely too busy lately and am frustrated at myself for it! I took on some extra classes with UOP and have been swamped with taxes. My house feels like it is caving in on me... why can't it just clean itself?? My sweet, precious baby girl has a stuffy nose, is teething, and has undiagnosed diarrhea. Poor thing. My car needs work and so does my body. Welcome to motherhood, right?
I really don't believe motherhood has to be that way, though (at least not most of the time!). I have simply fallen in a hole (and I think I hit my head on the way down). I've overextended myself and underplanned. I've underestimated how much time, patience, and attention the job of mothering requires, alone. I'm quickly learning how much I can handle without compromising time and attention for my daughter. She's my first (and best) job... everything else can wait. For this little bit of wisdom, I thank every parent in this world who has humbly admitted their regret for not taking more time with their family.
A great al anon principle- "You can't be good for any one else, if you aren't good to yourself". Resolution #2: steal a few moments alone each day to do something I enjoy. Preserve my identity. I'm not even going to begin to claim understanding, much less answers, on how this works for mothers. I do know, though, that I haven't practiced yoga or blogged, things I really enjoy, for over two weeks. Breastfeeding can make this tricky, but not impossible. (By the way, does anyone have any liquid gold... I mean breastmilk, for sale? I hate pumping.) Denying myself simple pleasures and time away doesn't make me a better mom. Grace Louise needs a mommy not a martyr.
My time is up. I gave myself one hour to do whatever I wanted. Not enough time to post pictures. I'll catch up on that Wednesday. Grace Louise is amazing and growing so fast. I have captured adorable pics of her in the past few weeks and can't wait to share them! Until then...
3 comments:
Girl, I am really feelin' ya on this post! I struggle with these same issues all the time! This has been helping me lately:
"Lord, I have too much to do, but it's all important. Help me to set priorities so that I don't feel lost in the pace and the pressure. Give me the wisdom and energy to accomplish what's necessary without wasting time or effort. And help me to make the best use of my day, remembering that time is a precious gift from You."
I've missed you!! Glad you're back:)
Ashley- I think I'll print that prayer and put it somewhere I can see it daily! Thanks!
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