Ready!

I had such an expectation for baby James H. to be born on Jimmy's birthday, Tuesday, and woke up that morning at 4:30 with consistent contractions that continued all day until I napped but never intensified.  An early start and other positive signs had me soaring on an emotional high, but by the late afternoon I was terribly discouraged, even shameful, feeling like I was letting so many people down (mostly my husband). Crazy, right? Jimmy and I regrouped that night before going to bed, ate some yummy cake for his birthday, let go of expectations, and have just been going on with life, waiting and anticipating what the onset of this labor and birth will actually be like... we are ready and excited!  

I have found that the anticipation and experience of birth are great spiritual learning adventures.  Learn to wait, learn to trust, learn to love, learn to believe.  Psalm 104 has been reminding me that God breaths life into the earth continually.  He is the mighty creator and sustainer... designing the land, mountains, and waterways for the benefit of life on earth, providing food for the animals, a plan for their birth and death, yet WE are His greatest workmanship!  With such control and design in the birth and lives of even the animals, He MUST have incredible purpose and glory in choosing the day, hour, and way of our baby's birth!  Psalm 139 and so many other scriptures encourage me to trust in Him... His ways, His timing.  

I am meditating on these truths, but sometimes feel that I am just speaking them... that my heart does not fully believe that everything He says is true.  Continued fretting reveals this unbelief... and I go back to confessing them again.  "Lord, remind me of your faithfulness! and Help my unbelief!  

So... waiting, eager, hopeful, but not anxious, believing, trusting, confessing... oh, and playing.  Did I mention that?  I've done the penguins attention, the alligator chomp, and count to 100 line dance several times this morning with Grace Louise and her friend... sure to bring on labor ;-)